Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure (2012)

Varsity Blues (1999) / Fordson: Faith, Fasting, Football (2011)

I've never been much of a football fan. In high school I went to one game, I think, and I have no memory of who we were playing or who won. I think I was at the school for something else and my friends and I were all "I guess we should go? We're already here?" Keep in mind, everything we said at that time ended with a question mark.

The movie Varsity Blues came out when I was a sophomore. It was a big deal in a pop culture sense because it was James Van Der Beek's first feature role since the debut of Dawson's Creek on the WB network. I was once told (favorably) that I looked like Dawson, which may have been the inciting incident to my lifelong tracking of The Beek's career. However, I opted not to see the movie when it came out for a few reasons. First, it was rated R, so there was a perceived obstacle with the age restriction (the lack of interest in football in my circle of friends should give you an idea of our squareness). Second, the advertising made the movie look really dumb. Say it with me now: "I don't want. Yer lahf."

Sadly, this movie did not impress. It's your basic Texas football story: Football = God, the coach is an asshole, and the lead is an underdog of sorts. There's no twist on the formula and there's really not much going on in the town of West Canaan. The central conflict involves Mox (Van Der Beek) coping with his new celebrity status as the replacement quarterback after the first string busts his leg. Now Mox has to work more closely with the coach (Jon Voight) who hates him, fend off the advances of the whipped-cream-bikini-clad lead cheerleader (Ali Larter, who should not be cast in anything), and making sure the other players achieve their high school football hopes and dreams. Eh. We're forced to believe that Mox's life is so hard, you guys. However, his plain Jane girlfriend calls him a whiner (which he is) and basically says "if things suck so much, why don't you just quit?" I guess the moral is along the lines of "triumph through adversity," but things aren't really adverse even in the hyperbolic high school student sense.

The biggest obstacle for me with Varsity Blues is that it did not represent my high school experience at all. A film that gets about as close as any film can in emulating my experience is the 2011 documentary Fordson: Faith, Fasting, Football. I graduated from Fordson in 2001, three months before 9/11. This relationship bears significance because when I attended the school its population was approximately 85% Middle Eastern descent. Today, that number is closer to 95%. If the setting sounds familiar, the TLC series All-American Muslim took place in Dearborn and featured the same football team as one of the story arcs.

What this movie did much better than the show was provide a major social history before presenting the main narrative. Dearborn, MI was a struggling company town that has since thrived as more families moved into the area and expanded. The movie also attempted to highlight the class disparities within the town – Fordson is in the blue collar east end while rival Dearborn High is in the affluent west end. The attempts aren't a complete success, as the vehicular conspicuous consumption (sports cars and Hummers are not uncommon sights on Warren Ave) is not explained at all.

I understand from a story perspective why football was used as the focus. Football is a distinctly American game, and the purpose of the film is to show that Arab-Americans are just as American as any other demonym-Americans. The Fordson/Dearborn rivalry is one that has existed for decades and places Fordson as an underdog both from a class perspective and as the recipients of bad calls from referees. Also, a sport is much more visually interesting than, say, a person trying to open yet another restaurant in the city (which was a story arc from the reality series). However, the "Big Game" is the weakest part of the film. Despite the bad calls, Fordson won the game in a blowout, continue a long string of wins against the cakeeaters Pioneers.

I fully recommend Fordson to anyone who knows my hometown, because even though I was born and raised there I felt like I still learned something from the documentary. For people that I know personally, I would like to offer this movie as a primer of my background because there is no way I had the "typical high school experience," and I sometimes think people think I'm making stuff up (yes, our mascot really was a tractor). That being said, for just a general viewer randomly flipping through Netflix, I think the movie may be met with the same "so what?" All-American Muslim received. Which is a shame.

Brave (2012)

The Incredibles is my all-time favorite Pixar movie. After seeing Brave and thinking about the ballyhoo regarding the roles female characters typically play in Disney films, I wondered why Helen and Violet Parr have not come up in the conversation. Merida, the skinned-kneed princess at the center of Pixar's latest feature, may be a step forward for strong female characters, but that's after two steps back that somehow happened between the release of The Incredibles and this movie.

Many critics' pre-release concerns about Brave focused on if this was a story about a princess and a suitor and whether or not the film would forego those conventions. Although Merida's behavior suggests a fierce sense of independence, I found she lacked agency, which is the foundation of the conventions this film may (or may not) have attempted to defy. In the opening moments of the film, younger Merida stumbles upon a Will o' the Wisp in a nearby forest. When she shares the news of her discovery, she is told the wisps usually lead followers to their fate. The wisps become MacGuffins ex machina throughout the film, leading Merida from one story bullet point to the next. The only real choice Merida makes in the movie is at the witch's house (where wisps led her) in asking for a spell to change her fate. In other words, Merida wants her agency handled by a different agent.

As I drove home from the theater, I kept thinking about Helen Parr/Elastigirl and the choices she made in The Incredibles. Helen chose to honor the rules about going undercover, leading to a reasonably nice family life. She then chose to don her super suit to rescue her husband – there was no prophecy or fate at play. Violet's journey through the movie involved her exploring her own agency. Although she felt invisible (both figuratively and literally) at the beginning of the story, she learned how to utilize her power to everyone's benefit. Merida does come around to seeing things from her mom's point of view at the end of Brave, but the outcome is still what was expected of her: to become a "proper" princess and eventually marry someone from a neighboring clan.

My other issue with this movie was the sheer cartoonishness of it. Yes, it is an animated film, but the tone seemed off from previous Pixar films. SO MUCH OF THE DIALOGUE WAS SHOUTED AND UNNECESSARILY LOUD. This, combined with the antics of Merida's triplet brothers and the constant brawling of the visiting clans made this feel more like a Warner Brothers cartoon. The only character who wasn't cartoony: Merida. It felt as though the animators were not having fun with her, despite her fabulous red hair and adventurous spirit. So much energy seemed to be spent on the brothers and the constantly-screaming maid, as well as post-spell Elinor.

As a movie in general, I thought Brave was okay and a positive move towards stronger female characters for young women to recognize. However, as a Pixar film, I thought this was one of the production house's weaker entries.

Magic Mike (2012)

I think it was at the end of 2006 when I last had any sort of encounter with male strippers. Some friends and I were at the local drag show and the interval acts were two amateurs making their debut. The guys covered both ends of the stripper spectrum: one was all "WEEEEE! NAKED TIME!" and took off all his clothes without hesitation, though leaving the tease out of "striptease"; the other took to the stage and instantly registered a look of "oh my God, did I really sign up for this?" as Justin Timberlake's lastest single played in the background. I've never been all that turned on by strippers, and that night confirmed a rule of thumb: All strippers do is ruin good pop songs.

Magic Mike didn't change my mind about strippers or Steven Soderbergh.

The movie, loosely based on star Channing Tatum's stripping past, follows Mike as he hustles his way through life. While working in construction – one of many odd jobs he possesses – Mike meets Adam (Alex Pettyfer), a 19-year-old equally down on his luck. The two run into each other as Mike works the clubs to drum up business for his main odd job: entertaining the desperate housewives and bachelorettes of Tampa by dancing and removing clothing. Alex unwittingly gets dragged into performing and is an instant hit, though requires training and support from the rest of the crew. Mike takes a special interest in protecting "The Kid" after meeting Adam's sister Brooke. Although she doesn't approve of her younger brother's new line of work, she doesn't actively disapprove either.

The movie takes a generational look at the adult entertainment industry. Alex represents the star on the rise. 40-something club owner Dallas (Matthew McConaughey) has made a career out of performing and tries to take it to the next level with an attempted move to Miami. Mike, who is almost 30, is at a crossroad: does he continue to strip (which pays well and he has a knack for) or does he pursue his dream of designing custom furniture?

The story sounds simple because it is. The stakes are relatively low throughout the movie, with most of the drama affecting (and generated by) The Kid. The movie doesn't delve too deeply into the seedier side of the business. Since this is Mike's/Tatum's story, he may be relying on hearsay to describe the grittier parts of the male stripper lifestyle. Because of this – and perhaps to make it clear that nobody is gay (God forbid) – there is a supposed romance brewing between Mike and Brooke. I say supposed because Cody Horn was far and away the worst part of the movie. The lack of chemistry brought on by her flat affect and labored expository line readings had several people in my theater groaning whenever she was on screen.

Although the style of the movie did not particularly scream Soderbergh, the structure of the film tapped in to the technical aspects of why his work drives me nuts. The film has several moments of heavy-handedness while not having much of a point. Some of this has to do with the writing, which included Adam saying to Mike at one point "we should be best friends," because that's totally something people say in real life? While pursuing Brooke, Mike also engages in booty calls with a woman named Joanna (Olivia Munn). Their damaged relationship serves as a needless distraction and a catalyst for Mike's downfall that is unearned and disjointed from the rest of the story.

Although much of the promotion for Magic Mike highlights the supporting cast, I thought they were mostly underutilized. The exceptions are Dallas – which McConaughey played with the appropriate level of smarm – and Tarzan (Kevin Nash). Tarzan is the oldest member of the troupe, and his half-assing through performances is what reminded me of the video from above. Little details such as that and background action (the conversation between Matthew Bomer and Adam Rodriguez in The Kid's introduction to the troupe; Tarzan exercising while Dallas coaches The Kid) make the movie more enjoyable, but demonstrates that the main action is not as interesting.

Overall, the movie is fine but doesn't know what it is. It's not dark or sexy enough for its premise, the stale romance and light moments do not a romantic comedy make, and the stakes are too low for capital-D Drama. I do recommend seeing the movie sooner rather than later – a theater full of women in their 20's watching the dance sequences is a hilarious experience.

Change of Habit (1969)

A few notable items about this movie before we begin. First, this was Elvis Presley's last film in which he acted. Second, "In the Ghetto" does not appear in the soundtrack, though the song and film both came out in 1969. Third, Ed Asner and Mary Tyler Moore are both in the movie, and I like to think that it may have had a hand in their working together on The Mary Tyler Moore Show in 1970. If anyone runs into Ed, be sure to ask.

So, Change of Habit. Mary Tyler Moore stars as Sister Michelle, the leader of a trio of nuns who go undercover to work their nun magic in a surprisingly diverse ghetto. Even Dr. John Carpenter (Elvis) doesn't know that his three new nurses at the free clinic answer to a higher power. Which makes the "I don't do abortions" scene hilarious.

After some initial misunderstandings, the women get to work. Sister Irene (Barbara McNair) confronts some childhood demons as she does housecalls in an environment that she joined the sisterhood to escape. She encounters some Black Panther types who question her blackness, which makes her uneasy.

Sister Barbara (Jane Eliot) is best described as spunky. After tarting it up a bit to get some guys to move furniture into the women's apartment (and almost becoming an assault victim), she gets hellbent on bringing down the grocery store that consistently rips off the locals.

The major drama involves Sister Michelle. She is a speech therapist by training and has diagnosed a girl everyone thought was deaf with autism. Michelle wants to try to work with her through love and understanding, but the Doc decides that rage reduction is the way to go. And that scene ends up on film and it is as unsettling as you might imagine. But it's Elvis, so he manages to cure autism. Remember: his name is Carpenter, and Jesus was a carpenter. Anyway, Michelle falls for Elvis and has a crisis of faith.

The big event of Act II is the San Juan festival. Michelle uses it as an opportunity to release the stranglehold of The Banker, an "protection" extortionist. Barbara decides to give up the nun's life and become a full-time social activist. Michelle wants to flee to the convent so she doesn't have to choose God or the Doctor, but then she almost gets raped by another patient and Elvis saves her. Yes, that really happens. She and Irene do end up back in the convent, but John performs at the church's folk mass. The movie ends as Michelle tries to decide between Jesus or the Carpenter.

This movie is bad in the sense that it takes an incredibly superficial look at inner-city social issues. While it tries to be sharp, the presence of Elvis and MTM dulls the edge. Though if you can get through the truly offensive parts of the film (the rage reduction scene, the rape scene), Change of Habit is surprisingly watchable. To be clear, this is not a musical, though John Carpenter does sing a few songs including my favorite Elvis song "Rubberneckin'."

I think Change of Habit scores exactly 3.000000000 out of 5 stars. If there was one more cringey moment, this would be a bad movie. If the film had one more clever line, it would be a good movie. This film could be the tuning fork for just about any other movie.

The Informant! (2009)

I wasn't exactly wowed or whatever reaction the exclamation point was supposed to draw out of me. The story is about Mark Whitacre, a VP for agriculture supergiant Archer Daniels Midland (ADM). The company is involved in a price fixing scheme involving corn and Whitacre decides to work for the FBI to bring down some of the higher-ups. At first he professes to be doing it for the good of the company and his soul, but eventually it is revealed that he is trying to oust his superiors so he can become CEO. Whitacre is a pathological liar and we soon learn that not only was he trying to perpetrate this bizarre usurpation but he had embezzled millions of dollars while under the FBI umbrella.

The story, which is based on true events, is interesting in an "I can't believe that this guy really did that" sort of way but it isn't a very cinematic story. The events are all based around verbal lies and FBI surveillance of business, neither of which really action based. Also, financial chicanery and price fixing are not the sexiest crimes -- particularly for those of us who only have a vague understanding of the concepts involved. The film reached a point where you finally understand that Whitacre is a schnook but then the movie goes on for another half hour. The story stops building and his inevitable comeuppance doesn't provide much of a payoff (particularly since Whitacre is now a COO for some other company after a brief hiatus in prison).

The film was directed by Steven Soderbergh, an auteur I just can't get behind. His choices tend to distract me more than engage me and this film is no exception. The camerawork was steady, as opposed to Traffic and The Limey (both of which made me seasick) which was refreshing. However, he chose to give the film a 60's motif despite the fact that the events took place between 1992 and 1995. I think he was going for homage to double agents, but it was giving me an Austin Powers vibe. My other major issue involved casting choices. Matt Damon was all right as Whitacre, but I'm not sure what he brought to the role that was distinct. Not good, not bad, just nothing special. The supporting cast was where I found more distraction. Joel McHale played an FBI agent working with Whitacre, Patton Oswald played an attorney, and Paul F. Tompkins played an attorney. I'm not sure what the deal was with all the stand-up comedians, particularly since they were all playing against type. My theory is that it is a commentary about framing reality with how you tell a story, but the analogy falls flat since the reality framed by this story is not particularly engaging.

This film strikes me as a product of timing -- riding the coattails of populist rage against the giants of corporate America (one of the previews was for Capitalism, Michael Moore's new film). However it is a whistleblower (sort of) who is trying to slay Goliath, not the lay person. The timing seems off and the story doesn't get much beyond the conversation point of "oh, really? You don't say?"

Captain America (2011)

I was never a comic book reader growing up, though I do enjoy superhero movies. If asked to name DC or Marvel characters, I would probably score a 60 on that test. However, I tend to favor the Marvel characters/films (Batman being the major exception).

That being said, I knew absolutely nothing about the character Captain America before entering the theater. A little jingoism goes a long way with me, so a guy wearing skin-tight stars and stripes isn't necessarily going to draw me in. I think that instinct is what may have hampered my ability to enjoy this film. Also the fact that Captain America is a really boring character.

That isn't a critique of Chris Evans. I think he did a fine job with what he had to work with. The problem with the character is that, as far as I can tell, CA has no fatal flaw. Superman has kryptonite, Batman has his residual guilt and loner sensibilities, Spider-Man is in a constant state of puberty. In Act I we learn that Scott (pre-CA) is a glutton for punishment who won't give into bullies. After his transformation, Scott now has superspeed, greater strength, a souped-up metabolism and 99% hit accuracy. The metabolism prevents drunkenness, which is a non-issue after Scott's best friend dies, but I don't see any super villains using that information against the hero.

Given all these stats, it's difficult to feel any suspense in any of the missions the Captain faces in the movie. The prison rescue, which reminded me of the NES Metal Gear game, had some tension, but that was before the audience learns that the hero is practically invincible. When it gets to the final battle, you know he is going to survive and save the day, not just because that's how movies work but because you see the resulting wreckage at the beginning of the film.

I thought the main supporting cast did an okay job. Tommy Lee Jones played his part as the crusty commander perfectly. Hugo Weaving was an interesting casting choice, in that it made this movie seem like a prequel to The Matrix. The only casting choice that drove me nuts was for the ragtag team that worked with CA after the prison rescue. Hey, it's a coalition of token minority representation! Anachronisms be damned! Though what bothered me was how their contribution to Act II was completely tacked on. This, the musical number shortly after CA's transformation, and the receptionist going tongue-to-tongue with Scott were moments that completely removed me from the movie experience that made the movie...less than what it could have been.

The epilogue was intriguing. I enjoyed The Truman Show feel to what was going on. Perhaps when The Avengers comes out next summer, Captain America's fatal flaw will be Rip Van Winkle syndrome. Though how important is it for Scott to be able to microwave a burrito or use an iPod?

Overall, Captain America was a good popcorn movie, but it's not a fantastic superhero film. The action sequences were strong, but the lack of suspense caused by the main character's poor construction (a fault caused by the source material and not the script) hold this movie back.